***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
ttyl tear gas
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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