biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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