i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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