Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
