i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
