Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
