i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
