i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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