i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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