you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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