So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
