the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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