I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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