So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
