quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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