The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
