Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How does one acquire holy water?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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