break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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