So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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