when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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