Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
