Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
