He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
