Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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