i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
