my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
