How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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