You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
