Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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