But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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