Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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