I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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