Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
