The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
