proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.