so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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