I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Couch. On fire.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
