Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
