i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
