remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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