I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
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You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
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Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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