clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
