Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Everclear isn't food dammit
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
