Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
