i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
