"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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