thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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