if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
