yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
