Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
