Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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