i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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