People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.