Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
