I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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