that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
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I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i think i just lost a toe