I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
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Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
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Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif