Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'

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(803): View more from South Carolina

i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.

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(678): View more from Georgia

This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.

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(807): View more from Ontario

Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(740): View more from Ohio

How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?

(1-740): View more from Ohio

2.5

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(815): View more from Illinois

my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward

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(518): View more from New York

I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.

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(208): View more from Idaho

hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand

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