Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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