After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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