capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
