...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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