Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
