The maid of honor just puked.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
