Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
