if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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