That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
