Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
