my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
