Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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