Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
