I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
