to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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