She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.