Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
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New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
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That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.