after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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