Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
