I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life