At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
