i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
