Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
