not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Alive.
So much puke
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This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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