dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
