dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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