We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
